September 30, 2010

A rodent by any other name is still just a mouse

Last night I had a horrible, and I mean horrible thing happen to me as I was driving home from dropping my oldest off at my sister's house to babysit. Her children were not even awake, he was there to make sure the house did not burn down and to play on the computer without interruption from his mother.

My sister and I live exactly 1 mile apart, and yet we text all day long. My phone is completely antiquated and I could get in the truck and drive to her house in the time that it takes me to text her. She has a Blackberry and types like a 15 year old girl. I have no idea what the point of that paragraph was.

So anyway! The Horrible.

I was about halfway home when all of a sudden I saw something scampering about on the front of the truck where the windshield wipers lay. I looked closer and saw that it was a...what? can't be...a mouse! A tiny, terrifying mouse. I panicked. I turned on the wipers in the hopes that they would fling the little sucker on to the road. No such luck. It retreated back under the hood! Then I used the wiper fluid hoping to poison it, or at least turn it blue so that when it came into the truck to eat me, I would at least have the visual upper hand.!

I was, quite literally, stricken still with fear. I could not figure out where it went or from whence it came. I was so afraid that it was somehow going to crawl into the truck and harass me causing me to have an accident. I could envision the headline.

Woman crashes into oncoming traffic while fleeing from mouse in her vehicle. Woman survives. Mouse perishes. PETA suspects foul play.

I lifted my feet off of the floor, but quickly realized that was a poor idea. I had to keep one foot down on the gas. I could not wait to get home. I knew that if I spied its beady little eyes peering at me, or worse, felt its fur rub up on me that I would throw the car into park and run away screaming, "MOUSE IN THE CAR! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" Exaggeration? I think not. When was the last time that you were held hostage by a rodent. Substitute the word house for car and it was like being in the Dr.Seuss book In a People House.

"Come inside, Mr.Bird." said the mouse. "I'll show you what there is in a people house."

In the people car there is a woman who is about to lose her mind. Her imagination is playing tricks on her and she can feel the patter of little feet on her back and shoulders. She can sense another presence around her, one not human, but mammal-like.

She does not like this mouse at all,
does not like it furry and small.
She wants to scream and flee and cry,
she wants this mouse dead. Die, mouse, die!

When I arrived back home and told my husband, he laughed. Then he said something even more terrifying than I could have ever imagined. He said that there might be a nest in the engine. I can't remember anything after that because I fainted.

In a little while I have to get into the truck and go teach yoga. I will be armed with pepper spray and a mini air horn.

I am not kidding.


Alaina said...

I am not having as much time to comment but I have been visiting, your mantel looks great as all of your fall decorations.
Now I have to tell you about my rodent story. In my first shop, it was tiny and had not much heat and holes everywhere, mice, we had gotten used to seeing so they did not bother us as much. BATS, they were in the attic storage. They did not bother me until they started showing up everywhere. One day my business partner and I were getting the outside tent ready for a show and we were moving things around. There was a bat under a metal bowl on the ground, we both screamed. We saw about three more that day. We became parranoid. Then one day one of us was sitting on the front steps of the shop, that is usually where we sat and ate lunch and watched the kids ride bikes in the parking lot, anyway, something dropped on the plate, I look up and there above me in between the rafters on the roof is a bat butt pooping on us. That was it we were freaked and made the land lord fumagate the plate. I know they are good about eating the mosquitoes but enough is enough. So we went back to just having the mice coming in out of the cold and eat the kids crumbs off the floor. So I do not blame you at all for freaking out about the mouse.

Laney said...

Alaina- I would have died. Seriously! LOL

Anonymous said...

That was the funniest post ever. So sorry it was at your expense.

A nest a nest. She will not rest

Until she has stomped out that pest!

Anonymous said...

You need to go write that story on FML ( F*ck my life)

Sorry, to write that here, but hey it is a funny web site.

Toyin O. said...

That is such a funny story Laney! I think we feel the same way about mice. I am never sacred of anything, but mice terrify me. I recall seeing a mouse in my apartment a few years back; I jumped on my bed and literally cried all night. I was so afraid of what that tiny little creature will do to me while am sleeping. Needless to say, I was the first person to knock on the Apartments management's office the next day. I threatened to move out and break my lease if they did not do something right away about that mouse.

Have fun in your yoga class and thanks for visiting my blog again!

Laney said...

Berries-You have a gift for rhyme!

Toyin- Your blog is so uplifting, I love it! And, yes, I would have cried, too.

Anonymous said...

why did you *snort* ?

Anonymous said...

I should have got it.

Our families would be a match.

We sit around the dinner table in full conversation using movie quotes.

With my memory though it is hit or miss.

The kids on the other hand have whole movies memorized.

Our favorite is : Ferris Buellers day off.

While you were sleeping.

In facet everytime I make mashed potatoes, it's

Ummm these potatoes are so creamy, Mary mashed them.

Look at the bright side. He has more room in his jockey shorts.

Laney said...

I am seriously LOL! I love movie quotes!

I can quote the Princess Bride, Sweet Home Alabama, and Say Anything with frightening accuracy. Too bad I can't remember where I put my glasses.

Tatum said...

LOL!!!! I started reading this and had to stop and get my fiance to read it to him. SO FUNNY!! You are an awesome storyteller! I am so glad the mouse did not get you. I have that same petrifying fear about spiders. My sister has a mouse story too. You should check her out sometime. Scroll down to the bottom to her archive and check out Free as a bird and then mouse story part II. I'm definitely sending her your way!

Danielle @ Transforming Home said...

Haha! Great story. I would have completely freaked out, also.


Wendy P said...

you are hysterical! :o)