December 2, 2010

Dear Santa

Yesterday I did something, as a parent, that I though I would never do.

I played the Santa card. Oh, yes I did.

My youngest boy has been a real pill lately. He has developed this awful habit of screaming for ev.ry.thing. And not just any old yell. Oh, no. He has honed his screaming volume to an unholy shrill that renders one completely still, their central nervous system desperately trying to compensate for the assault on its senses while their ears leak brain fluid and blood. It can, quite literally, raise the hair on the back of your neck.

I had had enough. I tried reasoning with him, putting him in his room, swatting his little bum, screaming back, and wrapping my entire head in bubble wrap to stifle the noise. Everything. Nothing was working.

So yesterday, while he was listing to the older boys all of the booty that he was expecting Santa to drop under the tree, I seized the opportunity.

Joe, I said. You know I can call Santa and tell him that you have been screaming and not listening to mommy.

*silence and complete stillness*

(pause) Where did you get his phone number? he asked. ( I really had to suppress a laugh at his cleverness)

All moms and dads have Santa's phone number, you get it when you have a baby.

(another pause) But, I don't want to be on the naughty list.

Well, what do you think you should do?

I should stop screaming.


And just like that the screaming has stopped. I know that I lied to him, and I do feel badly about that. I blame the lying on the brain bleed.

Oh, and now he is the poster child for how not to get on the naught list. Just ask him and he will tell you that Santa does not like screaming, of any kind.


rockygrace said...

You're a genius!

Cotton Blossom said...

Oh, I love how candid you are about how you reacted to his screaming. I think if all of us moms would get together and "keep it real" we could take such a load off of the stress of parenting.

Funny in my last post I also used the expression "Oh, yes I did." I think you and I would get along nicely.

awal.ny said...

Been their done that. Maybe to harsh, my son was afraid to see Santa last year because he had a few BAD weeks and did not want Santa to be mad at him. I understand why and do not think you are alone on this one.

Laney said...

He was already afraid of Santa, LOL!

We pass him in the mall every year and he never wants to sit on his lap.

FairfieldHouse said...


I actually called Santa once but he was busy in the workshop so I told Mrs Claus I would call back. Oh yes I did.

Your Friend,

Pink Satin Sashes said...

That is Brilliant!
I coulda used such advice when the kids were little....although we told them from the get go, there was no santa. Dang this would have saved my sanity.

Wendy P said...

"All moms and dads have Santa's phone number, you get it when you have a baby." awesome response :o)