June 30, 2005

An Open Letter To My Mother

Dearest Mother,
I know that you love me and you know that I love you but there are some things we need to discuss. You, so generously, purchased some Doritos brand products 5 days ago and we all thank-you for that, we really do, but I am begging you, from the bottom of my now triangle shaped heart, to never do that again. ( One of the reasons being they have made me compose run on sentences and abuse my comma button horribly.) It is not love, dear mama, it is slow death by fat, monosodium glutamate and artificial flavor and color. My fingers are now stained a freakish orange color that skin should never bear and I am not feeling so well.

If you are looking for me I will be at the Emergency Room having my stomach pumped and getting liposuction.

Sincerely,
Your Dorito Daughter

9 comments:

Jersey Girl said...

Precisely why I left them at your house.

Jules said...

LOL!!! You two are a hoot! I wish I could meet you both IRL and just sit back and watch the show!

Linda said...

Mommie Dearest leaves daughter an orange trans fat death trap. Daughter deftly rebukes her. Crowd cheers!

Thanks for the giggle!

Dy said...

Oooooo, I'd eat 'em. MSG is good stuff! LOL. Glad you're doing well and have regained control over your commas.
Dy

RANDI said...

Mmmm...my fave! All you needed was an A&W Rootbeer to complete the yumminess!

Donna Boucher said...

You're so funny!

gina said...

LOL- the signature was the best part! My sides hurt from laughing...

Classical Home said...

LOL!!
But they're soooo good!

Crissy
(wiping freakish orange powder from my fingers...)

CMB said...

That is too funny! My Mom is famous for leaving desserts at my house.