I know that you love me and you know that I love you but there are some things we need to discuss. You, so generously, purchased some Doritos brand products 5 days ago and we all thank-you for that, we really do, but I am begging you, from the bottom of my now triangle shaped heart, to never do that again. ( One of the reasons being they have made me compose run on sentences and abuse my comma button horribly.) It is not love, dear mama, it is slow death by fat, monosodium glutamate and artificial flavor and color. My fingers are now stained a freakish orange color that skin should never bear and I am not feeling so well.
If you are looking for me I will be at the Emergency Room having my stomach pumped and getting liposuction.
June 30, 2005