February 5, 2006

Crowns and Such

Friday afternoon I had a dentist appointment which I was not at all happy about. I don't like going to the dentist for a plethora of reasons, the first of which being those dental chair head pads always mess up my hair. That's a joke, but in all seriousness, I have no great love for anything dental. I had to have some work done because I have had a broken tooth for about 8 months. Yes, I know, it's very bad to wait that long.

I get to the dentist's office, fully prepared to begin reading my new book, The Children's Blizzard, and my tush no sooner hits the chair when they call my name. Great. Just great. I get up out of the chair and follow the hygienist into the room where the dentist is already waiting. Now, I like my dentist, he is very friendly and runs a pleasant office, so my disdain for the dentist has nothing to do with him.

He tells me that he has to give me a temporary tooth while my crown is being made. O.K. I just have to stop here - Isn't that funny? They are making my crown! Get it, a crown? Like I'm a queen? Well, maybe it's just me, but I think it's hysterical!

When he is finished with my temporary tooth, the hygienist asks me if my teeth feel comfortable when I bite down and I tell her that they don't. I can feel the temporary tooth hitting before all of my other teeth. She buffs the temporary tooth until it's even with the other teeth and it feels a little bit better, but still odd because I know it's not my real tooth.

Then, I ask her the question that forever alters my smile. (Alright maybe not forever but, well, you'll see.)

Me: What color is the temporary?

Hygienist: (stifling a laugh) Actually, it's gold.

Me: G-g-g-gold.

Hygienist: Yes, as long as you don't smile too wide, no one will see it.

Me: Great.

You know the first thing I did when I left that room was to run into the ladies room to inspect my bling. I enter the ladies room, turn on the light, approach the mirror and ever so slowly begin to smile. Who smiles back at me? This guy. *Heavy sigh*

I guess it's kinda funny if you...forget it, there's nothing funny about gold teeth.

We're still battling sickness here so that has helped me to forget about the fact that I have the same dental work as a rapper who wears a 30 lb. clock around his neck. Saturday night, Jeremy barfed. Poor thing, he just couldn't make it to the bathroom. He was shaking and crying, I just kept telling him it was o.k. I got him back to bed and he said, Mommy, did I ruin the rug? I had to chuckle at that. I told him that I didn't care about the rug, I only cared about him getting better. I rubbed his back until he fell asleep.

John and I went to church alone this morning because Jeremy, Joe and Kevin are still to sick to go out. Today was Scout Sunday and the boys were responsible for handing out the bulletins and greeting people. John did great and the folks at our church were very kind to the boys, asking them questions and shaking their hands. I was so proud of John.

On the way home I stopped at Dunkin' Donuts to get a bagel for John. As he was eating his bagel he asked me a funny question:
John: Mommy, what do humans taste like?

Me: I don't know, John, I've never eaten one.

John: hysterical laughter

Me: You should ask Joe because he bit me last week.

John: more hysterical laughter

I guess the cannibalism conversation has been looming in his mind. What do humans taste like?

Look to the finish!


CMB said...

Oh my goodness! Flava Flav, you crack me up! I hope you get your crown soon. I am sorry you have a sick house. I talked to Laurie and she said Tom was sick too. It is so sad when the kids are sick and the hubbies too. Get well to all.

Jess said...

If I had to venture a guess I'd say we probably taste like chicken - doesn't everything? hehe

OMGosh Laney, once again you've made me laugh out loud - for real - not just the typed out version. When I clicked on that link and saw Flava Flavs teeth staring back at me - OMGOSH! ROFLMBO!!! You are so funny!

And yes I think I'd get a giggle out of the crown thing too. My DR prides himself on the short time of the waiting room seating. I tell him all the time I WANT to wait long when I'm by myself - it's a vacation for me! LOL

I'm sorry you have a house full of ill ones, I do too. Poor Jeremy - you're a great mom (did you scrub the rug? lol).


melissa in VA said...

BWAHAHAHAHA! What a funny post (i mean except for the fact that everyone else is sick). Hope you get the nwe "crown" soon!

melissa in VA said...

Oh yes, and also didn't the boys all look so sharp dressed in their uniforms? (Scout Sunday here too)

Jess said...

OK, click on the image that's been in my head since reading your post. I couldn't get to sleep without doing this first...rofl!

Clickady click for some bling action

Laney said...

Oh.my.goodness!! Jess, I am ROFL! And I just spit coffee on the monitor, thanks. Give a sistah some warning before doing that!:-)LOL

RANDI said...

Oh my goodness, you crack me up! If anyone can pull off the rapper/homeschooling mom-look and still look great, it is you!

The rapper pic is too much!!!

Needleroozer said...

Ha Ha Ha! All y'all are so funny! Thanks for the giggles, girls.

mindy said...

Very funny stuff!! We will now change your name to L Diddy, or Puff Mommy. :-)

Jody said...

I had a dental appointment last week, too. On the same day that my sister had her annual "female" appointment. I would have rather had a "female" appointment...

Jersey Girl said...

Jess! You are hysterical - and proficient in photoshop!
Very funny.