Blogger just would not cooperate with me last night so I was forced to have a captionless picture of my new microwave and a ridiculous picture of a users manual. Bleeecchhh!
So now blogger is back and my funny post probably lost a lot of its humor. The humor may very well have been in my mind alone, but, whatever.
I was away all weekend, actually from Thursday night until late Sunday. I drove up to Maryland to join the ladies from our old church for the yearly women's retreat. It was wonderful, simply wonderful. I was able to see all of the girls that I didn't get a chance to say good-bye to in March. I have a real feeling of closure now.
Even though the retreat began Friday evening, my fabulous husband wanted me to leave Thursday night instead of Friday morning. He wanted me to be well rested and didn't want me to have white line fever upon arriving. He's awesome like that. :-)
While I was away he successfully managed to install a new microwave. This was no small feat for he had to remove the old range hood, trim the cabinet doors and do a little bit of touch up work. He did all of this with the three boys under foot AND he kept our pastor's two boys Saturday morning and afternoon. Like I said, he's awesome like that.
Let's all Ooohh and Aaahh, shall we?
Now, here's the part that was hysterically funny in my mind last night but will probably only garnish a mere chuckle now. The User's Manual. Also known as the User's Manual from hell or The Inanimate Object That Will Cause me to Throw Heavy Objects While Attempting to Defrost a Chicken Breast.
Click on the picture and it will enlarge. You will note, with some interest, that the manual is 23 pages long. They begin with a Welcome and Congratulations. Why, thank-you!
Next comes important safety features. I now know that I should not bring the microwave into the bathtub with me and attempt to boil a cup of water for tea. Did you know that a Zone bar wrapper will explode into 41 individual pieces if placed in the microwave and the microwave is then turned on? Don't ask, just go with it.
There are eight, front and back ,pages on how to cook food in this thing. Kevin and I tried to defrost chicken the other night. Needless to say, it didn't go well. Neither of us had read the manual and there are 4000 buttons on the microwave face. Our old microwave had 5 buttons and one of them said, Defrost. The other one said, Poultry. Life should be that easy.
I finally figured out the defrost commands. On the third Tuesday of the seventh month when the planets have realigned, the moon is waxing gibbons and you have on brown shoes and a white shirt, you push defrost and hit the power level button until it hits 30% and then, depending on how much chicken you have, you hit start or time defrost and hope for the best, or that Salmonella is really not as horrific as people say it is. Confused? You are not alone.
Anyway, it's a lovely microwave.
Look to the finish!
June 7, 2006