December 23, 2006

A Timeline of Christmas Travel

We are back home, we arrived very late last night. Or very early this morning. Whatever, it was late and we were tired. I was thinking about how I could possibly relay the details of our trip home without boring you with a 35 paragraph post and I decided that a timelime was perfect. Short. Sweet. Quick. The polar opposite of our drive home from New Jersey.

11:20 a.m. Depart from my sister's house, from our early Christmas celebration, with happy thoughts of a ten hour drive filled with holiday cheer, Christmas carols and a few games of 20 Questions.

11:50 Joe falls asleep. Shush older boys. Call Laurie to let her know I forgot a whole lot of crap in the upstairs room.

12:03 Hang up with Laurie and cry on the inside because I miss her already.

12:30 Boys begin to voice their desire for food. They want McDonald's. Blech!

1:00 Boys still complaining that they are hungry. I tell them to look under the seats for stray Chick-Fil-A pieces. They do not laugh. We tell them we will stop when Joe wakes up.

1:03 Joe is awake. I suspect foulplay.

1:33 We stop at Friendly's, a step up from Mickey D's.

2:09 Shelly, a really nice waitress but slow as molasses in January, asks if we want ice cream for dessert. We do. Fifteen minutes later we are eating it.

2:25 Ask for check and hunt Shelley down to pay the bill so we can leave.

2:40 Back on 95 South. We are in Maryland. Kids want to watch Robinson Crusoe.

2:48 Go from a cruisin' 70 MPH to c-r-a-w-l-i-n-g.

3:01 Crawl into Virginia. Yay!! Virginia! Two and a half hours and we'll be in North Carolina.

3:08 I take a nap.

3:47 I wake up and see Kevin falling asleep. Never good. We pull over and switch. I am now in the driver's seat, in full control.

3:50 I floor it. We hit the highway and I just get up to cruising speed when -- BAM!! -- Brake lights.

4:30 Still in Virginia. Everyone in the tri-state area is with us.

4:55 Have gone 1 mile since 4:30. I am very upset with all of the people from the tri-state area.

5:18 Jeremy asks if we are out of Virginia yet. I tell him, No. He asks when we will be out of Virginia. I tell him on Wednesday. He does not get my joke.

5:35 We see an entrance onto the express lanes and take it. But not without some road rage from a New Yorker.

5:37 Woo-Hoo!! Speeding down 95.

6:01 BAM!! Brakelights again.

6:09 Kevin has to "go." He wants me to pull over so he can "go." Admittedly, I am cruel. I tell him, No, I don't want to lose my place in traffic hell.

6:10 I give in and pull off the road. Kevin, Jeremy and John "go" while I bang my head on the steering wheel.

6:13 Back on the road. Still barely moving. Begin to despise the great state of Virginia. Need some Tylenol, my head hurts from the banging.

6:35 See signs that read "Merge ahead. One mile." Finally, we are going to be able to move again.

6:49 See signs that read "Merge ahead. One-half mile." Begin to weep. Large tears. Very large tears.

6:58 MERGE!!

7:03 Accelerate to 35 MPH. The boys begin to rally in the backseats. "We're moving," they say. "We're moving fast!"

7:19 Kids are hungry again. We stop at WAWA for food and coffee and a bathroom, an inside bathroom.

7:34 Back on the road. And moving. Kevin is at the wheel again.

7:50 Joe is asleep again.

7:51 Wish that I was asleep.

8:09 Still in Virginia. Virginia is not for lovers.

8:40 Still in Virginia. Think to myself, "I will never do this again."

8:41 See signs for Richmond and the 295 bypass.

8:45 Silently appreciate the new contraband, AKA handheld video games that the boys received for Christmas from Kevin's brother.

9:15 My mother calls and asks if we are home yet. *Uproarious laughter* Nay, dear mother. We have been in Virgina for six hours. She's upset for us. We're upset for us, I say.

9:50 Hang up with mother and fill Kevin in on the conversation.

9:59 See signs that welcome us to North Carolina. We stop and have a moment of silence.

10:00 John wants to listen to Audio Adrenaline with the headphones. I get him all set up.

10:03 Kevin and I listen to the melodious sound of Jeremy snoring.

10:04 We chuckle.

10:30 John is snoring.

10:50 We break open the box of chocolate that was supposed to be a gift for our neighbors. Desperate times and all of that.

10:59 Did I mention that it has been pouring rain since we were at exit 5 on the NJ Turnpike?

11:02 We finally hit the exit for I-40. Not far now. Great, I have to "go."

11:03 "Kev," I say "You're doing 80." He says, "No. 85! Hang with me, baby, now is not the time for the fainthearted and fearful. We're going to turn a two hour trip into and hour and fifteen minutes."

12:23 By golly, he did it!

We arrived home to discover that the luggage, specifically my luggage was saturated. My Ugg slippers were dripping and I had to ring out my black linen pants. Oh, well.

The thing is, I would do it all over again just for the chance to spend Christmas with my family.

Look to the finish!


Bridget said...

Don't you hate that trip down 40? It seems like the road that never ends. You know once you hit it the trip is almost over but it feels like you are in a Twilight Zone episode and the road just goes on and on and on... Glad you made it home safely.
Merry Christmas

momyblogR said...

I hope you and yours has a very Merry Christmas!!

Carrie K. said...

Have a Blessed Christmas, Laney!

mindy said...

Oh my!! I'm glad you made it. Only you could make a hellish car ride funny! :-)

CMB said...

What a mess! Glad to hear you are home safe & sound. Sorry I missed you while you were here. Have a Happy New Year!

Meg said...

Sorry you had such an awful trip! I wanted to take a nap after I read your post!! I was exhausted for you! Glad you could make it to be with family on the holiday. Loved your card and I love the color of your wall, very pretty!
Hope you've recovered!