March 4, 2010


Experts say that one of the cures for insomnia is to drink warm milk. I don't even like cold milk, so I can just imagine the horrors that await me in a glass of warm milk. Something about adults drinking warm milk seems innately wrong. Like warm cheese. It is just...not right. And don't get me started on cottage cheese. I really can't consume a dairy product that has such negative connotations. You will think twice about eating cottage cheese if you have ever overheard women discussing their bodies and referring to their thighs as having a "cottage cheese appearance." But I digress.

I can't sleep. I did some googling and apparently I am doing everything wrong. I drink coffee late in the evening and I take naps. But it is a vicious cycle. I take naps because I am exhausted during the day. I wake up from the nap feeling worse and then I drink coffee to wake-up. Is there a 12-step program for to break the cycle? Non-sleepers Anonymous?

Insomnia makes you watch strange television. I watched a show on the Discovery channel about a woman who had a 150 lb tumor removed. Why? Why do we need to know about this, Discovery channel? Then I watched HSN and I had the inexplicable urge to buy cupcakes and a Cropper Hopper.

So here I remain, in my seat of sleeplessness, until I fall asleep. Or buy a Hugger Mugger. Whichever.

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