June 29, 2005

Eau de Toilette

What do the following items have in common? Posted by Hello

The answer? They have all been saved from eminent death by sewer. Yes, these items have all been fished out of the toilet in the past twenty-four hours. I know what you are thinking, "Close the door, dummy! Keep that baby out of the bathroom." Well, I can explain myself, but this saga is multi-faceted.

Our story begins here...

The day dawned hot and humid, your typical New Jersey summer day. On this day, of all days, I decided to clean out the attic. Truth be told, I went to retrieve something from the attic and it turned into clean the attic smackdown. (I like that word. A lot.) Once I got started I simply could not stop, despite the fact that I was perspiring at an alarming rate. (Hmmm, I am giving serious thought to the flip comment I made last night that I am not obsessive compulsive.) While I was cleaning the attic, the boys were building lego's and taking care of Joe. I could hear every word they said because we have a very old house and the walls and floors are paper thin. Out of the blue I heard, "JOE!! EWWWW, that's disgusting. MOOOMMMMMMMYYYYY." Item number one, the bucket truck matchbox car, safely removed. Thankfully the toilet was sans pee.

It is now roughly 11:00. Joe's naptime. I put him down for a nap, rehydrate, send the boys outside to play and head back into the towering inferno. I found a rug that we briefly used in the boys room and thought it would look great in the kitchen under the table. I have this thing about rugs in the kitchen, I like them. So I drag the rug down two flights of stairs, trying not to wake Joe. (You enter the attic, it's a walk-up, via his room.) I moved the table and chairs, rolled up the old rug, washed the floor where the old rug lay and rolled out the new one. Vacuum. Put the table and chairs back, rehydrate and off to the attic I go.

Two hours later, I emerge, extremely hot and hungry. Perfect timing, Joe is awake. I change his diaper and go into my room to change my shirt. As I enter the hallway I hear banging coming from the bathroom. Joe has the dowel from a tapestry that I should have hung up about a year ago and he is swirling it around in the potty. Man, that boy is quick! I get the dowel out of the toilet and rinse it off. Item number two safely removed.

I head downstairs and the boys are ready for lunch. I prepare lunch for everyone and wait for my mom to come over. She is going to stay with the boys while I go for a run. Yeeaahhh, that was a great idea, in theory! What is wrong with me! I trained for a marathon, I know runner safety. You do not run during the hottest part of the day. Especially when it is 90 degrees and humid. (Note to self, don't do that again!)

I returned to find the boys playing in the pool and grandma cheering on their every trick and stunt. Mom leaves shortly after I arrive and Joe and I head inside as the boys go out front to play with their friend. I am really in need of a shower, so Joe and I go upstairs. I block off all possible escape routes to the downstairs and enter the shower. I hear his little voice babbling and then I hear, SPLASH. I quickly stick my head out of the shower and find the stuffed dog and the block in the toilet. That dog will never be the same. The block, well, it's just a block.
Item numbers three and four, safely retrieved. Now, I get smart and close the lid. That will show him! Right? Nay.

I get out of the shower and go into my room to get dressed. I hear the tell tale lid hitting the tank and SPLASH. I look out just in time to see Joe fleeing the scene of the crime. In the toilet, item number five, triangle shape sorter piece, safely retrieved. And with that, I closed the door.

Here is the worst part, I stuck my hand in the toilet five times today. That is just wrong.


Jersey Girl said...

This is getting to be a habit with you. Be careful, some analyst may conclude you actually LIKE putting your hands in the toilet!?

Too bad this post didn't include a photo of that boy's smiling face.

RANDI said...

Ha Ha Ha! You are lucky you got the shape sorter out. My son (about 6 years ago) stuck one in the toilet, and flushed it. When my hubby tried to retreive it-no luck. He got out the Snake and tried to clear the drain and-CRASH-the snake broke out the back of the toilet! We had to buy a new one. We have thought of writing up a bill and giving it to him before he moves out because it includes much more than just a potty-he is a curious, curious boy!

Chord of Three Strands said...

too funny...

so what did you do with the old rug? And isn't the new rug, really the old one? Or not?

Jules said...

LOL!! I am sorry you had to put your hand in the toilet so many times today- but it sure makes for a great post! ;)
I am sorry to say I can't relate- I never had a child that was in love with the toilet. (thank the Lord!)
But I feel your pain! ;)

gina said...

LOL- I actually feel lucky- that's one thing Mackenna hasn't done (yet).

Dy said...

I laugh, but in recognition, not mockery. Honest.

When we moved on campus, I noticed our sewer backing up into our back yard after about a week. We called maintenance. They retrieved a wooden block, a matchbox race car, and a pair of boys undies. I was mortified and feigned ignorance - then I realized the undies were a different brand than the boys wear. It's sad to think how happy that made me. It wasn't my child (for once! He has a... history, of flushing clothing.)

Might wanna invest in some of those bleach tablets. :-)

sleeplessinoklahoma said...

I just love your boys!!! Thanks for the laugh. I always wanted three little boys--I got one that could pass for three based on the stuff he did. I think God knew what he was doing when he gave you these little bundles of joy & not me. But I do adore kids--they just crack me up. And you can actually learn alot from them. They truly do see the world very differently from adults. Good for them!!
THanks again for the smiles & giggles.
Hug the little destruction dynamo for me.
Blessed be..