January 12, 2006

...and I forgot to get the milk!

So. Here I sit, extremely uncomfortable because of this. I linked it because I don't really want to shout it out for the whole world to know. This way, I figure, we'll just keep in 'tween us girls!

It started yesterday morning, but I didn't know what it was. I dropped John off at school and headed for the gym. There I did what all women do, I asked the girl on the treadmill next to mine if she ever had the thing which we are not saying out loud. It's alright, I have known this girl for three years and she is well versed in the thing which we are not saying out loud because she has had it before. She asked me if I was on antibiotics and (hello!!) I am! Well there you go she said, you have the thing which we are not saying out loud.

I go home and decide that if I shower, maybe it will go away. Not so much with the disappearing act for the thing which we are not saying out loud. I went all day and when Kevin got home, I ran to the drugstore, I also told him I would get more milk.

Let me just say here that there are entirely too many products on the market for this type of thing. Just give me the cure, people, the cure, without all of the fancy marketing!

I head to the cash register with the goods and there is a line full.of.men. Dear heavens, why? Do you really need paper towels and a green highlighter that badly??

So, I get on the line, carefully trying to conceal my feminine product, and there are three men in front of me. One of the men needs assistance because an item that was on sale was not marked on sale. The line is getting longer. More men! Are they bussing them in?

My turn. I sometimes have this weird sixth sense about things and I just knew that what I am about to tell you, was going to happen.

The cashier takes my item and begins trying in vain to scan it for a price. I can see that she is getting anxious because the line of men is still growing. We begin a dialogue.

Cashier: Was this in the right place on the shelf?
Me: Uhh, I think so.
Cashier: Well was there a price on it?
Me: Umm, yes, I did see prices on the shelves.
Cashier: How much is it?
Me: I don't know. There are so many of these products back there that it's impossible to tell the difference between them.

The cashier picks up the phone and I hear the music coming from the speakers cut out and I want.to.run.away. because I know what's coming.

Me: I can go check, I'll get out of line and go.
Cashier: No, Steven can check for us.

In my mind I am hoping that Steven is pinned under something very, very heavy.

Cashier: Oh, look here he comes now.

In my mind again, Darn, he's not crushed!

Cashier: Steven, would you go get a price for this, please.

Steven begins to walk away and as he turns the corner and disappears into the candy aisle he asks, in the loudest voice known to man, What was that stuff called again?


Psst, cashier, those are the words that we are not saying out loud.


...and I forgot to get the milk.

Look to the finish!


Lynette said...

Bless your heart and itchy self. Your story reminded me of once when my baby (now 2 1/2)was only about 3 months old. I thought I was pregnant and was soooo embarrassed. I needed a pregnancy test to let me know one way or the other because I was about to go insane. So instead of going to CVS, where "everybody" shops, I went to the hokey little drug store in town that's about twice the size of a cracker box to keep from seeing anyone I knew. I sauntered back to the EPT shelf and grabbed one and headed to the checkout and there stood my NEIGHBOR between me and the cashier! I quickly darted back behind a rack and put down the test. She came over and we talked while I studied the heartburn treatments. A salesperson came by asking me if I needed help. I denied the offer and kept studying the Rolaids and Tums. FINALLY she left and I grabbed my test and checked out of there. Glad I didn't need anything else that day, because I, too, would have forgotten it!

momyblogR said...

O.M.Gosh!!! THAT is hysterical. It made me laugh out loud. My MAN!! When I clicked on the link, I could WAIT to read the post.

In my mind I saw and heard that whole thing, LOL!!

VERY funny!! (still laughing)

I'm looking.

mindy said...

Very funny, Laney!! Very, very funny!! Sorry about the little problem. :-) Hope you're back to normal in no time!!

Mrs. Darling said...

Oh how embarressing! Poor you! I hate buying feminine things. They really should sell the stuff in a seperate shop just for women.

Dy said...

Oh, Laney, *snicker, snort* I'm SO sorry. That's really bad, and it's much worse when you see it coming and realize Stephen is neither pinned down nor a nickname for Stephanie. {{hugs}} And happy healing. You can just make eggs in the morning, but at least you'll feel better.


Jess said...

ROFLMBO Laney!!!!

Look on the bright side, when things like this happen you instantly have GREAT blog material! rofl

I hate the yeasties, I have a saying that makes us laugh around here but I can't repeat it publically...lol

HUGS - you'll feel better in no time!

melissa in VA said...

Sorry for the discomfort, but you made me laugh this morning!
Hope that the "products" work quickly! Sounds awful!

mamabear said...

Oh my goodness. I hate it when those embarrassing things happen. I feel for ya, dear. Rooting for a speedy recovery.

Carrie said...

LOL. Consider it a blessing that you didn't know what it was. I get them so often I know from the first tell-tale signs. You can get a prescription from your doctor for Diflucan - it's one pill, and in my experience works just as well as the stuff at the store, but it's much more convenient. Hope you're feeling better soon!

Jody said...

Oh no! It's almost like a man buying tampons. Sad and funny.

Michele said...

I actually drooled on myself I laughed so hard:

"In my mind I am hoping that Steven is pinned under something very, very heavy."

Wanna know how great dh is? I send *him* to the store when the need arises. He's quite a trooper. Show this to Kevin and maybe he'll feel bad enough to go for you next time?

I just can't stop laughing, snort....

CMB said...

Isn't being a woman great? The things we go through - but we deal with them with such class! I really hope you are feeling better soon.

Anonymous said...

Oh, this is too funny! I hope you heal soon. I've always been told to eat yogurt with active culture when taking antibiotics. Can't do it because I'm allergic to casein, a milk protein, but it seems to have a good reputation for warding off things we don't talk about.