December 2, 2005

A Sweater Saga

As previously mentioned here is my shopping story.

Tomorrow is our church's annual Ladies Christmas Breakfast. I found the cutest little forest green camisole the other day at Target and it was my favorite price, $9.99, so I bought it thinking I would wear it for the breakfast and for Christmas, too. My only other thought was that I would be cold and I figured I would just throw a black cardigan over it.

Upon arriving home, I began to look for the black cardigan. I knew it had to be somewhere, but where? Then it hit me! The great clothes purge of October! I gave it away. It's Kevin's fault, ultimately, him and his dumb two season rule. If you haven't worn it in the past two seasons, get rid of it. So I got rid of it, but he got his, oh yes he did, because tonight I went to Nordstrom.

Actually, I was forced to go to Nordstrom because Kohl's, Joyce Leslie and T.J.Maxx and I are not getting along.

Every time I go into Joyce Leslie, I remember why I dislike Joyce Leslie, but they do carry trendy clothes and I figured I would find something. Wrong! The clothes that I saw at J.L. last night did not say, "God Bless us, everyone." They were more along the lines of, "Merry Christmas, can you point me to the red light district?" Not what you want to be remembered for at church.

T.J.Maxx is in the same plaza, so I went over there. I was in that store a total of 87 seconds. One thought here. When your store always looks like the scene of a very messy robbery, you need to seriously re-evaluate the management working in your establishment. I cannot shop in a store where there is clutter and chaos, I rarely go into Macy's for this very reason. My mother, now she has a gift for looking beyond the disarray and usually finds a $200 sweater for $12. No.Joke.

Kohl's is right next to T.J.Maxx and my next logical stop. Now, I really like Kohl's. Great prices, friendly staff, neat and organized, it's a great shopping experience. I headed to the junior department and found a pair of button fly Levi's. I wasn't shopping for jeans but I had money, they were on sale, it was fate. I searched high and low but could not find a simple black cardigan that wasn't covered in...fur! Blech! The only thing worse than looking like a strumpet is looking like Huggie Bear.

So I figure, let me try on the jeans. I approach the dressing room and run into a very friendly woman. She greeted me and than told me to bring out the clothes when I was done. I told her, sure, no problem. For some reason, that eludes me even now, she began a conversation with me, while I was trying on the pants. She wasn't in the room with me, but shouting to me from the entrance to the dressing rooms. A lot of what she said made absolutely no sense, but I will try to repeat her monologue to the best of my ability.

A Kohl's Litany: Phrases in () are mine
Yes, if you could bring those clothes out it would be a big help...I wanted to murder someone this weekend...can't put anything away...told 'em over the summer to give me more hours or I was quittin'...went and got a full-time job at PathMark and started collecting unemployment(What??)...then I called the prayer chain and the next day the hired me here...Christmas shopping is the last thing I want to do...last year they didn't want what I got 'em...how are the jeans workin' for ya?

At this point, I really wanted to laugh but instead, I told her that the jeans did not work for me because I am an actual person with actual hips and I don't like it when my underwear show.

She said, "Oh. Well, will you still put them away in the junior department." I obeyed for fear she would begin a new monologue.

I found two sweaters at Nordstrom and I bought both of them. I am sure at this point you are thinking, "Shut up about the sweaters already!"

So I will and I bid you good night. I.am.exhausted.

14 comments:

Classical Michele said...

Can I come shopping next time?! I *love* the new look of your blog. Great job!

Jersey Girl said...

Ooooh - owwwhh -- two sweaters at Nordstrom?? Kevin sure is getting it. Just today I was wondering what you were going to wear to the Ladies' Luncheon. Please have someone take a picture so I can see. Enjoy.
Now I understand why you needed a 7 hour nap.
I miss you, too.
Love you.

Jersey Girl said...

btw - this post is "uproariously" funny. I loved the story about the dressing room monitor.

Jess said...

The JUNIOR department? You hussy! LOL

Take a picture, I'm sure you'll have a great time!

momyblogR said...

OK. I'm with Mom. It is "uproariously" funny. Gosh, I just really love that word. LOL!

Darn Girl. You're a Mother of three and you are shopping in the Jr. department? How small ARE you?

kevin said...

OK! let the record state(thats courtroom talk) that I have not seen you in a black cardigan in my life so the two year rule is irrelevent.Did I spell that right? I would also like all you BLOGIRLS to know that while you are having fun giggling about sweaters I am WORKING to pay for them!!!! (WHEW, I feel better now!) I would also like to say that my wife is beautiful whatever dept. she shops in. Ijust can, be there while she does it for obvious reasons. I keep lobbying nordstrom for a sleep room but all they will give me are those stinking chairs. Oh well!

kevin said...

can't be there while she shops.--- Oh yeah, If you think I'm getting it; wait till the debit card doesn't work when she goes to have her pedicure,manicure,brainicure or whatever it is.

momyblogR said...

OK. I guess I have to set my record straight. I was NOT be any means trying to imply that your wife was anything BUT beautiful (she's very funny too, by the way) I was just thinking how fabulous it is to have, what I imagine to be a cute little shape that allows her to shop in the Jr. department. Although, I'm not at all unhappy with my size 8 550 Levi's LOL!

Have a great day.

mamabear said...

Oh, Kevin... you guys are made for each other. You're just as funny as Laney is! I had tears I was laughing so hard at your comments. Because it was the same exact thing MY husband says.

Laney- I was at Macy's two seasons ago, shopping in the Junior dept for a cocktail dress for hubby's company's xmas party (because all the cocktail dresses in the women's dept looked like they belonged on anyone over 50)...anyway, how I digress... I found this fabulous dress that was listed for $149, but it was marked down to $50. So I thought, "deal", pretty good bargain you found there Dawn. So I try it on, and it's like it was MADE to fit me. Then I"m thinking, whoah dude, how often does this happen-me find something that fits perfectly. So I go to go pay for it, and it rings up for $13.00. I kid you not!!! Thirteen bucks for a cocktail dress!! And nothing was wrong with it. I wore it for the party and felt like a million bucks.

I hope you have/had a wonderful time at the church breakfast thing.
Have a great weekend!
-dawn

Laney said...

ROFL Jess! Did you just call me a "hussy" LOL!!

Momyblogr, he was totally kidding, don't worry about setting any records straight! We have pretty thick skins, we're from New Jersey remember? LOL!! We love ya, sistah!!

Dawn, you should go shopping with my mother! You would be scary together!!! :-)

Maggie Ann said...

I loved the reasoning you used when you left Joyce Leslie...oh that American women in general would not buy into the 'bare it' look....there is a whole sermon in that, not to mention that there is no longer a standard for our young people ...and sadder yet to see professing Christians dressing like the world. I fear for the future of America. sorry for getting on my soapbox. This current trend (for lack of another term) plain out shocks me. What will the future bring? I'm thinking judgement from God...and a lot of heartache for women.

momyblogR said...

Hey Girl..

I really thought that was the case, but I just wanted to be sure he wasn't thinkin' I was raggin' his babe, lol.

Yes, we notherners do have rhinos skin don't we? Man I love that about us.

Back atcha wit da luuuuuuuv!

Be good.

Jess said...

Yes Laney but it was all in love, jealous love. ;-)

That's OK, one of the things I'm getting with this years tax return is a 6 month gym membership. Although instead of buying those jeans in the Junior dept I'm thinking I can just roll around in the mud and rip them a few times and look very fashionable. ;-)

My best friend from high school was and is a size ZERO in the Jr Dept. I'm used to it. ;-)

And ROFL@Kevin, you need to comment more often Kevin, you crack me up. My husband would love a sleeper chair as well. He doesn't understand why I can't just go in and get something quickly. ;-)

Jules said...

This is funny stuff! I agree- Kevin should post more often. You two are a stitch!