A Sweater Saga

As previously mentioned here is my shopping story.

Tomorrow is our church's annual Ladies Christmas Breakfast. I found the cutest little forest green camisole the other day at Target and it was my favorite price, $9.99, so I bought it thinking I would wear it for the breakfast and for Christmas, too. My only other thought was that I would be cold and I figured I would just throw a black cardigan over it.

Upon arriving home, I began to look for the black cardigan. I knew it had to be somewhere, but where? Then it hit me! The great clothes purge of October! I gave it away. It's Kevin's fault, ultimately, him and his dumb two season rule. If you haven't worn it in the past two seasons, get rid of it. So I got rid of it, but he got his, oh yes he did, because tonight I went to Nordstrom.

Actually, I was forced to go to Nordstrom because Kohl's, Joyce Leslie and T.J.Maxx and I are not getting along.

Every time I go into Joyce Leslie, I remember why I dislike Joyce Leslie, but they do carry trendy clothes and I figured I would find something. Wrong! The clothes that I saw at J.L. last night did not say, "God Bless us, everyone." They were more along the lines of, "Merry Christmas, can you point me to the red light district?" Not what you want to be remembered for at church.

T.J.Maxx is in the same plaza, so I went over there. I was in that store a total of 87 seconds. One thought here. When your store always looks like the scene of a very messy robbery, you need to seriously re-evaluate the management working in your establishment. I cannot shop in a store where there is clutter and chaos, I rarely go into Macy's for this very reason. My mother, now she has a gift for looking beyond the disarray and usually finds a $200 sweater for $12. No.Joke.

Kohl's is right next to T.J.Maxx and my next logical stop. Now, I really like Kohl's. Great prices, friendly staff, neat and organized, it's a great shopping experience. I headed to the junior department and found a pair of button fly Levi's. I wasn't shopping for jeans but I had money, they were on sale, it was fate. I searched high and low but could not find a simple black cardigan that wasn't covered in...fur! Blech! The only thing worse than looking like a strumpet is looking like Huggie Bear.

So I figure, let me try on the jeans. I approach the dressing room and run into a very friendly woman. She greeted me and than told me to bring out the clothes when I was done. I told her, sure, no problem. For some reason, that eludes me even now, she began a conversation with me, while I was trying on the pants. She wasn't in the room with me, but shouting to me from the entrance to the dressing rooms. A lot of what she said made absolutely no sense, but I will try to repeat her monologue to the best of my ability.

A Kohl's Litany: Phrases in () are mine
Yes, if you could bring those clothes out it would be a big help...I wanted to murder someone this weekend...can't put anything away...told 'em over the summer to give me more hours or I was quittin'...went and got a full-time job at PathMark and started collecting unemployment(What??)...then I called the prayer chain and the next day the hired me here...Christmas shopping is the last thing I want to do...last year they didn't want what I got 'em...how are the jeans workin' for ya?

At this point, I really wanted to laugh but instead, I told her that the jeans did not work for me because I am an actual person with actual hips and I don't like it when my underwear show.

She said, "Oh. Well, will you still put them away in the junior department." I obeyed for fear she would begin a new monologue.

I found two sweaters at Nordstrom and I bought both of them. I am sure at this point you are thinking, "Shut up about the sweaters already!"

So I will and I bid you good night. I.am.exhausted.